Communication & edging.
Communicating our intimate desires and curiosities can be a scary experience, especially when they deviate from our perception of what our partner/the world at large considers acceptable or “normal”. Telling someone that we want to explore something new and outlying is an act that requires us to expose our most vulnerable thoughts and emotions, and it brings us face to face with the risk of judgment and disappointment.
The fear of rejection becomes something of a specter from which we can’t decouple. An orb of anxiety floats around in the peripheral and gets in the way. It feeds off the soup of our subconscious and all the extraneous stuff that makes us us: things our parents said during ‘the talk’, cultural expectations, social stigma, religion…
At some point, we reach an impasse and find ourselves caught in the loop of overanalyzing who we are versus who we think we ought to be versus who we want to be. And it’s not uncommon for other insecurities to come out of the woodwork and pile on, further adding to the fray.
Here, dear reader, is where edging comes into play.
One of the things I love most about slowly, sensually tending to a man’s body is how it allows him to feel comfortable openly communicating what he wants. It allows him to breathe into pleasure and relinquish insecurity of desire and body.
Of course, my finely tuned senses are focused on him. On the rhythm of his chest, the look on his face, the way he writhes. The sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth. His toes that curl, his… Well, his everything else.
I am guided by the subtle cues as well as the engorged, and my intuition is deep.
But during these hours of ministration, I also – and this is critical – encourage him to tell me what feels best. (A little sexual A/B testing, if you will.)
I ask him to augment what I observe, feel, and know (again, deep intuition) by telling me which tempo he prefers. Which view. Which sensation. And, of course, I want him to tell me when he’s near so we may ebb versus flow. I can always tell when he is, but I love hearing those two little words: I’m close.
This type of dirty talk allows us to maximize our mutual pleasure while simultaneously giving him the power to voice his desires. And by responding to his words with joyous arousal – by demonstrating to him how much they turn me on – I vanquish that ghost of apprehension. My genuine sensuality, lust, and joy – the way I listen to him and then take great devilish pleasure in tripping his triggers one by one by delicious one – it all proves that his wants are valid and that his body is desired.
The feedback I’ve received is that this is a deeply impactful and empowering gift that remains long after the dreamlike trance dissipates. Tingling, it lives on in the corporal memory, and it positively impacts myriad other areas of daily life.
The art of edging should encompass a flow of words and consciousness and an exchange of ideas. I may be “in control” of a man’s body, but really, we’re partners. 🙂