This post was originally featured on my blog’s 2021 iteration, before I accidentally deleted everything as I went off on hiatus. I found a copy of it by chance, and am copying / pasting it here!

My clients expect discretion from me as an escort, and I expect the same from them. While the latter usually goes to plan, things sometimes go awry. It is my hope that this post serves as an educational crash course in how to avoid various pitfalls and avoid catastrophe!

1. The airline called his home when our flight was delayed.

Many years ago, one of my first-ever clients and I stayed at a local hotel the night before embarking on a vacation. His wife thought he was already at his conference. We arrived at the airport the next morning and combed the aisles of the parking garage for a spot until I heard him say, “Oh. SHIT.”

I instinctively turned my head to the right just as the window rolled down and I heard a woman say, “See you at home.”

His wife had received an automated call from the airline (a preference he had absent mindedly indicated when booking) informing him that his flight had been delayed. She drove to the airport to catch him in the proverbial act.

Literal millions of dollars later, he is a free man with a new and happier relationship, so this one is a bit of a mixed bag! The event with which I was involved was traumatic, and he went through a few years of hell, but it did end up well.

Lesson: Take all necessary steps to cover your tracks unless you are prepared to spend massive amounts of money and time dealing with affair fallout. 

 

2. He panicked and hung up on me when his wife entered the room.

I’ve spent the last 9 months engaged in a highly beneficial and abundant arrangement with an incredible man. I am his first companion, and our chemistry has been off the charts from the moment we first connected. The situation has been unique and stimulating on all levels, and I feel so lucky to know (have known?) him. Needless to say, I was thrown for a loop when he made an extraordinarily tiny yet negatively impactful mistake..

It has always been safe for us to talk on the phone, yet we were doing just that when his wife came home unexpectedly. All I heard was “What was that?  I’m on a work call.” before he hung up. HE HUNG UP. That is not what one does when one is on a not-at-all-suspicious work call.

Thankfully, I never call him from a traceable number, and he has covered all electronic tracks. But it will be absolutely aggravating if our beautiful relationship has been brought down because he panicked. While he is ethically providing me with May’s money, he has cancelled our upcoming date in order to ‘lay low”.

Lesson: Plan for how to act when presented with a perilous situation by developing a blueprint for how to behave. Make a short list of non-verbal and verbal touch points.

EG: “What will I do if my wife walks into the room while I’m on the phone to the woman I’m seeing? I will a) remain calm b) play it off as a work call c) say ‘I’ve got to call you back’ and d) act normally.”

This is the same as concocting a back story before a dinner date. 

2022 update: This amazing man is back in my life! While we are no longer intimately involved or intwined in an arrangement, he books me for a dinner date or a drink once or twice a month. And yes, he takes all necessary precautions to ensure our discretion. 🙂

 

3. He brought a random chick to our appointment and proceeded to do mountains of cocaine with her.

Many years ago, an exponentially older and screened client booked me for a multi-hour date. He brought a random non-provider girl along without my consent. I was young and had yet to cultivate the stress mitigating and safety ensuring art of taking no shit (today me would have been out of there after the first bullet point) so the saga unfolded thusly:

• Met him in his room, we went down to wait for the girl in front of the standard issue business hotel. She showed up in a WHITE. STRETCH. LIMO. She drunkenly wobbled / poured out of it in a nearly transparent exotic dancer’s dress and 6″ heels. (Remember, 2012-to-present day Alyx would have bolted at this point.)
• She wobbled and slurred her way to dinner with us at a near north side casual place populated by normal people. Normal people who stared at us.
•  We returned to the hotel late in the evening and they proceeded to consume massive amounts of cocaine and blast music. I left hours early out of fear for my safety.
• The next day, he emailed to threaten me with a negative review on TER. He demand I visit his hotel room and return his money.
• I made him meet me in a public place (and watched him frogger his way across all lanes of Michigan Avenue traffic) and made it very clear to him – in no uncertain terms – why he would no longer continue to harass me.
• I shoved an envelope of money at him, stating that I neither wanted nor needed it, before expressing pity for his wife and sending him on his way. His tail was between his legs.

Lesson: Don’t be the drugged up, loud, obnoxious guy who invites a loud, drugged up, obnoxious anonymous girl along on a professional date and expect to have things turn out in your favor. In fact, expect to have the police show up at your hotel room due to loud, late night partying.

 

4. He stopped me on the bike path to loudly reference having had sex with me.

A client whom I’d seen once encountered in the wild. I was running along the busy lakeshore trail when our paths crossed. He pulled his bike over and loudly said, “Looking GOOD, Alyx! God I want that body again.” I went to him, sternly said, “Do you want me to start talking loudly about your wife?” and shook my head as he peddled off.

Lesson: Chicago is at once a big city and a small town, and it is reckless to exclaim your extramarital affairs to a crowded pathway. Additionally, while I am one of the rare escorts who lives a very “out” life in which most people know about Alyx, common decency dictates you never loudly / unsolicitedly refer to an escort by her work name.

 

5. He told his best friend about his affair, and his best friend told his wife.

This one kills me. He was working through a trying / nearly dead marriage, and I was his second companion. We spent endless healing, connected hours together. One night, he decided to tell his best friend about me. This backfired when the friend told my client’s wife. Or, rather, my now-ex-client’s wife.

Lesson: Be incredibly discerning regarding whom you trust. To connect with an escort and experience true companionship is a transcendental and life affirming experience. To find someone you really care about in this demimonde is precious, and the desire to share it is understandable. But friendships are not infallible, and – at the risk of sounding jaded or paranoid – not everyone can be trusted.

2022 Update! The man referenced in cautionary tale No. 5 is actually back in my life, and is the man with whom I’m in a non-exclusive arrangement. He found away to circumvent the issues resulting from the above incident, but it took a great deal of work and energy.