Gray Skies, Weirdos & Music.

This from-the-hip post – as they all are – was written quickly and without any semblance of editing.


One of my favorite ways to beat these Chicago winter blues is to indulge in a minimum of one staycation every thirty days between the months of November and March. I book a suite at one of my favorite hotels and tune out the (admittedly positive) noise of life. Then, after a day or two of self-care via napping, soaking, reading, writing, spa-ing, room service-ing and masturbation, I emerge a shiny new woman with a shiny new disposition. 


This has been my routine since 2020. The trips back then were sponsored and remained so through 2021. The first financier was the man with whom I was in an arrangement in 2020, the man after was the impetus behind last year’s hiatus, and now Mr. Bond plays that role from time to time.


But these days, I mostly foot the bills myself. I love the the autonomy of it, and even when Alyx fades into the ether once more, I will continue to make this routine a part of my winter life. The decompression and relaxation spark my creativity and inspire me to write. 


This is a little tidbit incepted in last night’s bath. I decided to reflect on myself / Alyx and on my favorite men. And what came out is a jumbly yet enlightening mess of words.


“I am: vivid. Passionate. Empathetic. Romance that is gamified, real, safely contained but with a hint of danger that speaks to the beast inside. Seductive. Charmingly my own person. I do my own thing and live out loud and attract men who wish they could do the same. Men who happily settle for paying well to live vicariously. 

Not for everyone, but for the right ones. Absolutely for men with hidden layers they want to honor. Connections on the most nuanced and microscopic levels abound. Inside jokes are intimate.

I am destined for those who present as ‘normal’ (though what does that mean?) in their daily lives / careers but who are really – secretly and beautifully – very much their own damn person. Men with quirks and nonconformist streaks they feel they must hide. I am destined for men who want to live boldly through me as much as they want to be inside me. They tell me this with regularity. I learn so much from them. And they learn so much from me.”


And to write this out for you in the gray morning light with a delicate porcelain cup of coffee at my side and bedhead tumbling down to my waist feels warm. It feels comfortable. I am in my element and doing what I love. I am sharing my thoughts with the men I care about, and I feel content despite the skies and spitting snow.


The soundtrack to this morning’s writing session was phenomenal. (And fucking sexy.)

Dirty Hound – Cicada Rhythm

Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings – Father John Misty

Live Well – Palace

Morning Light – Wilderado