Let’s talk about… Marriage?

Believe it or not, the subject of marriage and its infinite forms and complexities is one of the many common threads I share with my clients. After all, I was married for ten years and know what it feels like when the honeymoon phase gives way to real life, and “What now?” becomes your mantra.

While he and I never procreated, thereby avoiding a further muddying of the waters of dissolution, we dealt with all the other common pitfalls. From financial disputes to shifts in priorities and attractions, we navigated it all until we couldn’t anymore.

And because we were in decline shortly after Sex at Dawn hit the shelves in 2010, we experimented with an open marriage for a while before ultimately separating and then divorcing.

All of this is to say that now, in 2023, this experience serves my unhappily / complicatedly / openly married clients well. Because while more-than-a-GFE companionship does involve… ya know… it truly is something more profound. It is the organic art of cultivating a connection with a like-minded soul over a sustained period of time that is at once carnally and emotionally intense and safely parameter-bound.

And I find the more commonalities a man and I share the deeper our connection becomes. I know the bonds forged wouldn’t be as nuanced or intimate – that I wouldn’t be so wholly present, empathetic, and valuable to my clients – if I hadn’t been at least partially in their shoes at some point.

Having lived through that chapter and landed in a positive place only serves to further my role as an asset to those who are currently in the thick of it. And because things ended so well for us – he and his new wife and I are all best friends, and I was dually his best man and her maid of honor at the wedding – I like to think that I can lend a little optimism to dark scenarios.

I originally sat down to write a reflection piece on the role I play in the lives of my clients who are are exploring the world consensual nonmonogamy with their partners, but it naturally shifted to the above train of thought. So it is here – after taking a moment to thank the men, women and couples who inspired me, thereby sending me down this tangential offshoot – that I will leave it.