Updated 1/1/25- At its core, my degree of attraction to someone is informed by how they communicate, treat others, treat themselves, and navigate the abstractions of our world. I adore men of all ages, am a sucker for authenticity and a growth mindset, and am drawn to those who can live by a code while simultaneously refining it to account for life’s circuitous nature. 

But within this macro framework exist certain men who speak to my soul on a unique level, and whom I consider to be truly kindred spirits. Here are a few of the inspired archetypes that really just click with who I am and where I am in life:

The Reflective Voyager: Blending intellectual curiosity, emotional depth, and a tendency to seek meaning or beauty in language and life, he is thoughtful. He has a penchant for both precision and wonder, and balances a rational side with a softer, introspective core. He is attracted to those who are both confident and growth-oriented, and seeks partners who are both powerful and nurturing in intimate spaces. We see these traits mirrored in one another and that draws us ever closer.

The Enthusiastic Neophyte: He’s never done this before, and he’s a little nervous. But he’s also committed to making a smashing first impression. He does his diligence, is happy to screen, and asks for clarification when needed. Being entrusted with someone’s first companionship experience is such an honor.

The Board Member: Accomplished and connected, he’s an ideas guy. We’ve known each other for a bit, and I trust him enough to give him a seat on (what I jokingly refer to as) my board of advisors. He thinks outside the box, is enthralled by the arc of my professional life outside of companionship, and loves workshopping various projects with me. Our routine has become to take a working lunch: brainstorming over small bites then devouring one another in private.

The Philomath: The lifelong student who apologizes for “rambling” after regaling me with the granular notes of subjects about which he’s passionate. I find an encyclopedic and enthusiastic grasp of, let’s say, medieval history quite enticing. 

The Double Agent: The suit with latent layers of uleveraged creativity. These parts of him mostly go unnoticed in his daily dynamics and are underappreciated by those in his less clandestine orbit. But I am his creative partner in crime, and I see and love it all. 

The Optimist: The man who shares my feelings of positivity and hope for our world despite the turmoil of which we’re both acutely aware. We make our own happiness within our own little world.

The Emoter: He who laughs uncontrollably as he collapses into my arms immediately post-orgasm. To witness such a primal catharsis is indicative of how comfortable I make him, and it speaks to me on an animal level that is equal parts nurturing and carnal.

The Collector: A man who thrives on collecting experiences. While he doesn’t devalue material objects, he places the greatest weight in impactful moments. I love to wrap myself in his arms as he tells me of his adventures.

The Melomaniac: Music is one of our shared love languages, so we spend countless hours exploring and enveloping. He sees me like clockwork but knows that he will eventually have to stop. He waxes preemptively wistful at the songs that will always make him think of me.

The Circumventer: The single man who has reached the apt conclusion that hiring a companion is the only logical way to avoid the cesspool of online dating.

The Humorist: Effortlessly hilarious, he claims he can fathom neither how nor why I find his deadpan sharpness so sexy. He makes me laugh in between orgasms and once made me spit out my espresso.

The Solutionist: Solving problems is just what he does, both in his professional and personal life. He’s the perfect partner to have on deck when we encounter repeated logistical stumbling blocks on our FMTY or when a hyped Chicago restaurant loses our reservation. I love letting him take over, and I always make sure he’s well rewarded for his legwork and influence.

The Contemporary: There’s just something about a 40something family man who is actively navigating that fork in the road. What else can I say? 

The Titan Admirer: He exudes confidence and maintains positions of power, all while daydreaming of giving himself to a powerful and confident feminine force. I admire his strength and make a game out of sweetly dismantling it in bed. To feel him breathe into my directives as I use him as an instrument for my pleasure – to see him physically respond – is an otherworldly kind of hot.